


hold me like this (like we've been lovers for years)

by leewrlds



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Comfort/Angst, End of the World, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Musicians, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leewrlds/pseuds/leewrlds
Summary: If he wanted a kiss before the earth crumbled, Renjun was the least likely person who would give him it, but he was the only person Jisung thought he’d want to kiss if it was his last moment on earth.OR Jisung knows when the world will end, so tries his last ditch effort to get Renjun to fall in love with him.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Park Jisung
Comments: 8
Kudos: 26
Collections: Love Dream 2020





	hold me like this (like we've been lovers for years)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starberryjaems](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starberryjaems/gifts).



> 'got the music in you baby, tell me why  
> you've been haunting me forever and you just can't say goodbye' 
> 
> for some reason, those lyrics resonated with me and this... it's a little different to what you might have been expecting but, i hope you enjoy it still! <3

Falling in love isn’t something that happens all of a sudden, or in the blink of an eye — which is the way Jisung had always expected he might fall in love. Love was inconvenient. 

In all the romcoms Jisung had watched there’s that one grand romantic declaration of love amidst the world’s chaos, when time completely stills for a moment and being with one person is the only thing that matters. Maybe Jisung would like to fall in love the way they do in the movies, no matter how cliché that would sound to his friends. It’s what he’d always wished for.

But never did he expect it might come true. Or that the universe might not even let him find someone before it was consumed in chaos. 

So when he was torn from his sleep one night, violently awoken in a cold sweat, shivering, shirt sweat-soaked and stuck to his chest… Jisung was terrified. 

It didn’t always happen like this, having a nightmare. But every night he woke the same way, chest heaving for every last breath as he grappled to turn on the bedside lamp. 

Breathing was supposed to be the one thing that comes easily, without having to think about it. It's one thing your body is just supposed to do for you. Yet, as his bleary eyes made out the numbers 3:27am on the clock, Jisung felt as though his lungs had been torn out. 

It was worse than when he held his note for too long during the sonatina, leaving him spluttering for breath right there on the stage. 

This wasn’t just a nightmare, though. Jisung couldn’t remember how long it’d been since he had them. Daydreams, he liked to think they were. Stretches of his imagination. Thoughts in the back of his mind, worries, fears, hopes, that had no place to be said aloud so instead his dreams would speak them for him. At least, that’s what he liked to think.

Daydreams were dangerous at the best of times, but these were something else entirely. His visions would come and go, never with a regular time nor rhythm. He tried his best not to let them take over his life. He wouldn’t allow himself to give much weight to what he saw, nor what he remembered of them in the mornings after.

The issue was he could never forget. These dreams weren’t quite daydreams at all, but spoke to something beyond the capacities of human experience. He saw the world behind his eyelids in the middle of the night. But he didn’t just see, his dreams were part of him, wrapped in all the senses, vivid and very much bordering on reality. 

They came to him when he least expected them too. Warnings, most often. Terrible things. 

He found solace in his flute. If he was playing, he could empty his mind of the visions he didn’t like, try and convince himself it was just a bad dream. What he’d been seeing wasn’t real, he’d say. There was no way he could see the future, he was just a college student bunking most of his classes, like so many others. 

What business did he have knowing everyone else’s futures? He didn’t care that his grandmother was a seer, _he didn’t want this._ He didn’t want the responsibilities to loom over him, he didn’t want to feel exhausted for days after he saw something new. 

He tried to tell himself that he didn’t _want_ to see the future, no matter how good it might be for him or his friends. But that was usually a lie. Over the past year, he’d found that he loved _knowing._ After his grandma passed, he embraced his destiny with open arms. He picked up

This time though, he wished he couldn’t see the future at all.

Knowing when would be his last day on earth was something Jisung had never expected to know. He’d sometimes imagined growing old with Chenle living across the street, although the prospect of being old had never really settled comfortably in his chest. But now that he might never grow old, he felt a deep sense of loss that he couldn’t quite place. 

He’d always wondered what would happen when death came, would he get to heaven? He wasn’t so sure about that. He’d sinned more times than he could count on his fingers, that was certain as soon as he’d been aware of gay magazines. But going to heaven had never been an immediate reality before. 

Why would he have played by God’s rules just in case heaven might exist? Did God give him the gift of sight? Jisung had never read about this ability anywhere else, except for in his grandma. Having occult tendencies didn’t particularly feel acceptable in church. 

He wasn’t even sure if there was anything left after death. And perhaps, that was worse than being turned away from heaven. If God had created him with the capacity for such desires, he would indulge in them until his final breaths. Whether that came peacefully or not. 

How could he pretend like anything was normal after what he saw? Who should he even tell?

Those felt like tomorrow Jisung problems. 

The clock showed 6:30am when he finally settled back under the covers, exhaustion bearing down heavily into his bones after agonising for hours over his dream. He barely had time left before he had to be in class. 

When he woke, the warm sunlight felt impenetrably more bright as he wrapped himself around his linen covers. It was too early for anything, yet he was already late. He splashed cold water on his face, letting the cold open his eyes another fraction more. 

He couldn’t deny that the future bothered him. Redness scratched around his eyes as he looked back at himself in the mirror. No amount of Donghyuck’s concealer would fix the hollowness behind his eyes. 

But this was the grave reality of his gift. The dissonance of his two conscious thoughts, acceptance of fate and challenge, created friction that ebbed away at him. Somehow, he had to get through the day as if he hadn’t just learned of his time ticking up. 

The air was crisp as Jisung biked along the path up to campus. He hadn’t even moisturised his face, only having enough time to dress if he was to make it to class on time. The cold felt brittle against his skin, he prayed his chapstick was in his pocket. 

It was just his luck that he had a 9am the morning after his worst vision yet. He knew he looked an utter mess. It was even worse than the time he’d foreseen Jeno almost running over a cat on his way home after hockey practice. 

The journey seemed to drag on forever, and by the time Jisung had reached the top of the hill on campus, his shirt sleeves were rolled up and he was pink in the cheeks. He didn’t even care to admire the flowers that had started to blossom early.

Hastily, he clasped the strap of his flute case and slung it over his shoulder; his boots landed heavily on the ground as he made his way to the Arts department. When he walked into the room, most of the students were already warming up their instruments.

“What happened to you?” Chenle whispered after giving him a once over. 

“I’m fine” Jisung huffed out, dropping ungraciously into the chair next to him as he pulled the strap from over his head and unclipped the case. 

“You look like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards” Chenle sniggered a little. The attempts to ruffle his hair further failed as Jisung slapped his hand away. 

“Leave me alone” he hissed, twisting his body just enough for the case to slide off his knees, crashing heavily onto the floor. 

The commotion attracted a few eyes, but those notably of one Huang Renjun. The most elegant pianist in the entirety of the undergraduate cohort. The brightest talent in the youth orchestra. 

Jisung could feel his eyes lingering on him as he assembled his flute together. 

If the class hadn’t seen the way he’d walked in, someone might’ve thought his cheeks had turned a little redder under the scrutiny of Renjun’s gaze. Jisung had spent the entire first year in awe of his performances, but he’d never even talked to him. 

“It was just a rough morning is all.. I barely slept” Jisung muttered under his breath, fingers busy flicking through his sheet music to find the right page. 

He didn’t like being _visible._ Which was ironic considering he was a seer. 

This was the one time that playing a quiet instrument had its advantages, he could blend into the background noise of all the students warming up. He could stick his head down behind the stands and take his notes without anyone so much as looking his way. 

Most people would leave the flautists to themselves, 

He wasn’t the typical flautist. He didn’t have elegant fingers, nor perfect grades. Even if he was quiet, he could still talk Chenle’s ears off on things that excited him. His clumsiness and awkward stage presence had tended to make him less desirable for the lead flute roles, but Jisung didn’t mind that. He had enough pressure as it was. 

Shrugging off the encounter, he managed to make his way through class fairly seamlessly. Chenle didn’t make another comment, and he never felt the same pair of eyes boring into him as he had before. 

“Jisung— might I have a word” 

“Huh” Jisung’s mouth fell open as his professor called out to him.

He’d just zipped his bag closed, running the cloth through the middle of his flute absentmindedly. “What do you want me for?” He knocked his heels together, feeling a little awkward as the silence of the emptying auditorium felt deafening. 

“Look— it’s not a shock that your performance has been lacking. So, I am pairing you up with another student. I don’t suppose you’re friends with Huang Renjun?” 

“Huang Renjun? You’ve got to be kidding..”

“I’ll take that as a no. Even so, he is very adept to help you improve, Jisung. You have a lot of potential. I also need you to teach him how to read music, preferably across the clefs”

“Why? He plays perfectly well, there’s no way he needs lessons from _me_ on that” Jisung starts, his eyebrows raising in both surprise and confusion. 

“Yes, his playing is rather remarkable, but Renjun can’t read music… which is a problem now that his studies are advancing. I’ll trust that this stays between us? You’ll be practicing together from now on” 

Jisung nodded sedately, hardly finding it in him to argue against it. This day was getting weirder by the minute.

  
  


“So let me get this right, sir asked _you and Renjun_ to practice together?” Chenle exclaimed into a spoonful of soup, not even noticing the way Jisung picked morosely at his food. 

Jisung mulled over showing off that he had been chosen to mentor an older student, but that didn’t quite feel right. He’d made a promise to the professor after all. 

“Uh huh. Apparently my performance is lacking” Jisung hummed, moving his spoon around the bowl. 

“I mean- you haven’t performed the same since last year’s recital. But Renjun? How can a pianist help you-”

“I don’t know but, Professor Lee seems to think he can. We’re stuck together in the practice rooms all term”

“Wait- you’re ditching me for the entire term? Fuck, dude… good luck with that” Chenle laughed a little, dipping his bread into the soup. 

God, Jisung hated this already. Chenle knew him from high school, and that reaction didn’t particularly bode well for his practice later on. Chenle was also the only one who’d noticed Jisung’s slight crush on the older last year, too. But he hoped none of the others would find out about that. He was over it. 

-

He wanted to believe that Renjun would go easy on him tonight, but that didn’t quite feel right. There was something about his manner which made Jisung think he would be a strict teacher. He was almost always dressed pristinely at college, in neutrals, browns or greys. His nails trimmed and the buckles on his satchel shined. 

Jisung opened the practice room door quietly, hoping he would be alone at first. The practice rooms at college were relatively small, still adorned with wooden flooring and hazy lamp lights. 

Jisung liked them this way. And the sound filled the space so beautifully when he played a mellow vibrato. 

The doors were also soundproof. He hadn’t realised Renjun was already in there as he slipped inside. But what he walked in on was a sound so effortless and warm, it made the hairs on the back of Jisung’s neck stand on end. 

Jisung knew now why Renjun held the title amongst students for the best pianist. 

He was utterly blown away. 

Jisung could tell when the piece was coming to a close, Renjun seemed entirely consumed in his playing, he hadn’t even noticed the other was standing in the room. 

“That was brilliant” Jisung breathed out as soon as the other’s hands stilled on the keys, he couldn’t stop himself. He saw the way Renjun stiffened before turning around. 

“How long have you been there?” He asked, scratching his neck shyly as he watched Jisung make his way closer. 

“Not that long. I didn’t want to disturb you, I thought I was alone” Jisung glanced a little sheepishly over at Renjun who was still sitting at the piano. 

“I was just warming up honestly, I can play more complex pieces than that” 

Jisung noticed the absence of sheet music on the piano. He couldn’t quite understand how someone could play so well by heart. Surely his muscle memory was not _that_ good. 

“How did you do that?” 

He set his case down on a side table, trying to keep his nerves at bay as he connected his flute together. He ignored Renjun’s prying eyes, pulling out his folder of music and skimming through until he found his latest favourite piece - _Roberta._

“I just can… I have a musician's ear. It’s natural for some people” Renjun replied sweetly, and Jisung couldn’t tell if there was an air of superiority in his voice, or if he was just stating facts. 

Jisung did not have that same musical ability, unfortunately for him. The tinge of jealousy churned in his stomach. 

“Right, well I’d wanted to practice a new piece tonight, so… would you mind if I show you some theory after?” 

“Be my guest. I’m also mentoring you remember, Park.”

Jisung’s shoulders slacked a little as ran his hand along the empty edge of his flute. He slipped his boots off, feeling the floor beneath his socks. It was systematic, precise, his calming ritual before bringing the mouthpiece to his lips. 

Renjun’s expression warmed as he noted the odd frog patterns, and different sock lengths for that matter. Jisung clearly didn’t care much for presentation, but it was a little endearing in a way. He let him run his scales, trying not to make a comment about the breathy tone. 

“First tip. When performing for someone you need to look confident. Straighten out your back, you're meant to have good posture as a flautist, right?” 

“Uh-” Jisung paused for a moment, turning to look back at Renjun who’d now stood a little behind him. His shoulders automatically pushed back, fixing his stance. “Yeah- yeah, I guess I can work on that” 

Jisung gulped a little, a new dryness in his throat. It was _his_ practice time, and Renjun wasn’t even a flautist. But there was something that made him want to impress. 

-

“He worked me to the bone last night. God, my lips are so dry. Huang Renjun will be the death of me” Jisung groaned, planting his head on the table. 

“What’s this about Renjun?” Donghyuck slid into the seat next to him, his lips quirked up in amusement upon hearing his roomate being talked about. 

“Jisung has a new flute teacher… Renjun is working him too hard” Chenle explained as the boy wallowed in his chair, hoodie pulled up over his ears in despair. 

“Renjun is… tough. But he knows how to get results. You’ll thank him later” Donghyuck rubbed his thumb over Jisung’s shoulder tenderly. Jisung knew he was right. He did want to become a better performer after all, just not at the expense of his soft lips. 

“I think I’d rather fail” Jisung groaned, thrumming his fingers on the table. He didn’t know if he could manage this intensity for the entire term, it would just about kill him, if the universe didn’t first.

“Look.. Some of us are thinking about going out later in the week. You should come, let off some steam” 

And god, did Jisung want to let off some steam. 

-

It was an average Thursday night at Donghyuck's flat. Jeno had once deemed it the best night to go out, and ever since the group would usually neck a few bottles by the kitchen sink before heading out downtown to Heaven- which was _the club_ to be at. Being friends with Donghyuck had its perks, it usually meant discounts on the door and free drinks from poor guys who’d taken a liking the way he danced. 

Jisung had never thought of himself as much of a club-goer before he met Donghyuck. In fact, Jisung’s first time in ‘Heaven’ had come at Donghyuck’s insistence— a freshers event for the lgbt society. Apparently one look at his skinny jeans, and the fact that he hovered subtly close to the society’s stand, was enough for Donghyuck to drag him into attending all the socials that term. 

He couldn’t deny that it gave him a taste of freedom that he’d never had before college. He was slowly growing into himself, albeit quietly. 

“Can’t we just stay in tonight, I’m broke as fuck” 

Jisung heard one of the guys protest as he walked through into the kitchen. 

“You’re no fun.. It’s our first night all together since the break” Donghyuck huffed, swinging his heels back against the cupboards as he sat on the countertop. Jisung took a handful of the chips from the side as he tried to remain neutral. 

It’s not that he didn’t want to go out. In reality, he was still thinking about his dream. He knew that his gift was never wrong, but he couldn’t wrap his head around what he’d seen. The world couldn’t possibly be ending, not when he was in his prime. A part of him wanted to drink away his thoughts, and he couldn’t care less whether this was at Heaven or at home. 

“We can still get drunk here, just… without all the slimy men and sticky floors” Chenle proposed, swirling the beer bottle around in his hand with a grin.

“Alright fine, I’ll let my roommate know he can join us too” 

It didn’t take long for Donghyuck to come round, it meant he didn’t have to spend an hour beautifying himself in case he saw a potential date. It wasn’t uncommon for guys to drool at the sight of Donghyuck at the bar, and Jisung couldn’t blame them, but it could get uncomfortable at times. 

Jisung had lost track of how long he’d been there, or how many bottles the group had gotten through. The only thing he was aware of, was how warm his cheeks felt, and how everything had become slightly more fuzzy, and that bit more amusing. 

He had barely any inhibitions left as his thigh pressed up against Jaemin’s where they were squished together on one of the seats, laughing into his neck at another joke. He felt good. He felt _normal_ for once, just Jisung. Just Jisung drinking with his friends after a long week at college, not one hint that he had psychic sensibilities. 

He almost let himself forget that the world would be engulfed in flames someday.

As he let the haze wash over him, he’d almost left his other self behind. Until Donghyuck suggested he give some readings. To the group, it tended to just be a novelty, humouring Jisung and Donghyuck who actually believed in them. 

Jisung wasn’t about to admit that the cards often read things he’d already seen in his dreams. That was a step too far, even to admit to Donghyuck who was deeply spiritual. 

“You better not make fun of me…” Jisung glanced nervously around at the others, a little pink in the cheeks from the peach snaps. 

“Come on ‘sungie, you know we love your readings” Donghyuck presses on warmly, hands coming down to massage the nerves right out of his shoulders. 

“Alright then… who’s first?” Jisung asked apprehensively, as he laid his cards out on the carpet. He’d already cleared them to use earlier, and he was feeling particularly tapped into his intuitions tonight.

There was a quiet hum of deliberation before Renjun sat down opposite him, the rips of his jeans widening where his legs folded. He looked nothing like he did at college. The boy in front of him was wearing fishnets underneath his jeans, silver eyeliner and way too many chains around his neck. 

Surprise was an understatement when it came to describing the way he looked. He hadn’t even been expecting to see him here. 

“I’ll go… I’ve heard some good things about your predictions” He mused, a challenge in his eyes that was unsettling. Jisung gulped, he’d never really spoken to Renjun outside of the practice room, despite seeing him around at Donghyuck’s place sometimes. 

Renjun looked far too beautiful under the warm yellow light. He suddenly hoped the cards would read well, Jisung wanted to show off a little.

“Well okay then, let’s see what the cards say for you tonight” 

Jisung’s eyes travelled from where Renjun’s delicate hands were clasped together in his lap, down to the patterns woven into the carpet and to the spread of cards. Renjun had painted some of his fingernails black, it still looked elegant even if it was meant to be edgy.

“You need to take three cards from the deck first” He half whispered, looking expectantly at the boy in front of him. 

Renjun’s eyes scanned over the deck of cards, contemplating for a moment as the rest of the boys looked on. Jisung felt sweat bead at the back of his neck as he waited in anticipation. Renjun took his time selecting them from the deck, 

Both of their eyes widened a little as Jisung revealed the first card.

The Lover’s. 

“Well, this card kind of speaks for itself…” Jisung laughs a little embarrassed, as some of the boys make comments in the background. Instead he tried to focus on the crease of Renjun’s forehead, and the surprise in his eyes. “Do you have anyone on the scene right now?” 

Renjun caught the glint of Jisung’s signet ring as the candle light reflected in it. It gave the whole room a certain atmosphere to the reading that made him feel like he was entering a new realm of vulnerability.

“Not right now, no… I don’t usually tend to settle down” He replied, an extra warmth in his complexion as his shoulders slumped back and he pulled one of his knees up casually. 

Jisung knew what this meant. Knew exactly what it meant when he saw the curve of Donghyuck’s lips rise somewhere off behind him.

He cleared his throat as the thought of them getting off together made the blood rush through his ears. 

“Right, well.. the card is definitely about romantic love. There’s always two parts when it comes to ‘The Lovers’ though, your mind might not want to settle down, but maybe your heart does. Perhaps, you’ll choose a path in love that you haven’t before” Jisung lets the cards speak through him, furiously hoping that his cheeks hadn’t pinked up during the encounter. 

Something about the way Renjun looked at him made him hot under the collar. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that” Renjun spoke so elegantly that Jisung almost forgot he had two more cards to reveal. 

“Renjun’s getting some action soon” Jeno called from where he’d been perched on the edge of the kitchen table. It snapped Jisung back to reality as a few of them laughed. 

“So what? He’s probably getting more than you’ve had all year, Jeno” Mark chastised him, causing a bit of a scene as Jeno’s ears turned red. 

“At least I’ve had some recently… unlike some of us here” Jeno commented brashly, necking back his beer as he stirred the embarrassment away from him.

That caused Jisung to shift uncomfortably where he was sat on the floor, hoping no one would draw attention to the obvious elephant in the room that was his lack of experience.

Just as he lets out a breath, ready to carry on with the reading, Donghyuck pipes up from out of his line of vision. “Wait, isn’t Ji the only one of us who hasn’t kissed anyone now…” 

It makes his heart plummet straight into his chest, and a rosy shade of pink spread far across his cheeks, probably covering most of his chest too if Jisung dared to look down. Renjun’s eyes were suddenly on him, warm and intriguing, or possibly amused. 

Jisung didn’t look back for long enough to tell. 

“Let’s just get back to the reading now, shall we..?” Jisung prayed to brush off his friend’s comment, as he was suddenly aware of his shortfalls. He’d never really minded before, but now it felt like an insecurity he might never shift. 

He was the slow one, the prude, never even setting a foot wrong at school nor at college, let alone taking risks and kissing boys. He was _different._ And not the general different that their group had been brandished as at their old school. 

He’d never particularly been interested in the thought of kissing before, let alone sex or any of the things that Donghyuck and the others got up to. 

But now he wished the carpet might swallow him whole. 

“Not so fast… come on, Ji. We’re not freshers anymore, and no one will want to kiss a grandpa if you don’t hurry up and do it” 

“I’m just waiting for the right person, or something..” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows as the cards stared back at him from the carpet. 

“Are you saying that none of us are worthy of a kiss from you, Ji” Chenle jeered softly, propped up between Mark and Jeno on the couch where they’d been nursing a couple of liquor bottles. 

Jisung knew that none of them meant to push him into this, it wasn’t even something he should be ashamed of. But deep down, part of him had felt a little envious when he’d watched Jeno and Mark kiss a few weeks ago in the kitchen of their flat. He also felt envious that no one looked at him the way Jaemin would look at Donghyuck.

“You’ve never asked what I want before” Jisung replied after coming back to reality, blinking a couple of times as he felt how Renjun’s knees were now pressed up against his. 

“Is this your way of trying to get a kiss from one of us?” Donghyuck’s lips quirked up into a knowing smile. 

“I-” Jisung started, wetting his lips a little as his mind rushed twice the speed. _Do I want a kiss? Yes. Who would want to kiss me?_

“Yes? Please.” he breathed out without a second thought, embarrassment crawling up his spine as scrunched his eyes closed.

_Had he really just admitted that to his friends?_

He didn’t even have time to process what happened before he felt a pair of lips on his. It felt so gentle, and warm, like he was returning home. His mind didn’t even compute how there was no longer a pair of knees still pressed up against his, but a new sense swirled around him. 

The skin was so smooth under his touch when he blindly moved forward to take their jaw in his hands. He now recognised the hint of orange shampoo, and the impression of a smile against his lips before they drew back. 

“That was my first kiss, was I okay?” He said, eyes now open wide and warm as they focused on the boy who’s lips had just been up against his.

He wasn’t just drunk now, he was giddy from this new sensation. 

But it hadn’t been from Renjun. Jisung tried to ignore the pool of disappointment in his stomach as he was met with Donghyuck giggling in front of him. “Not too bad, ‘Sungie” 

He blushed a little more, letting his fingers ghost over his lips as he tried to commit that to memory somewhere. He would take that as a compliment. 

At least he’d accomplished something before the end of the world.

But god, he hoped he might get to kiss someone again before his time was up. 

The other two cards remained left unturned on the carpet beside them. Renjun had seemingly disappeared from the room, along with Chenle, and no one else seemed the slightest bit interested in tarot readings anymore. 

If anything, Jisung was relieved. He had a bad feeling about what would have been overturned, had he revealed Renjun’s other cards. They weren’t exactly friends— save for the practice room. 

That was the first interaction not revolving around breathing, or tones, or octaves, or posture; and Jisung had already made a fool of himself. 

So instead he watched for a short while as Jeno and Donghyuck sang horribly into their beer bottles, a poor rendition of the Backstreet Boys or something like that.

The scene was ridiculous, but it warmed right through to his chest, and he couldn’t help but join in. 

It no longer mattered whether he looked like a fool, he wanted to take every good moment as it came. Even if that meant embarrassing himself whilst he tried to recreate the moves from a 90s boy band whilst his friends watched on. 

“Right, who wants another drink?” Jisung called but the music seemed to drown his voice out. He figured he’d just bring a few bottles in; Donghyuck would never decline another.

As he pushed open the kitchen door his jaw flew open 

“What the fuck is this?” Jisung exclaimed loudly, a look of betrayal glossed over his eyes as he looked at the scene before him.

Perched on the kitchen counter was Renjun, his hands grasped around the collar of Chenle’s polo, and his shirt ridden up past his belly button. Their lips were both glossed, half bruised from what seemed to have been the middle of an intense makeout session. 

He couldn’t believe his eyes. 

“Ji- it’s not what it looks like” Chenle spoke regretfully, shock written in his eyes at being caught. Jisung shook his head in disbelief, both mortified and close to laughing out exasperatedly. 

The pair had now put a little distance between each other, but Jisung had already seen enough. The image of them kissing like that burned furiously in the back of his head.

He struggled to look at them as his skin felt hot beneath his shirt, more out of anger than anything else. 

“What does it look like, then?,” His voice broke off a little, resigned as he balled his hands into fists to mask them shaking. “You know what-- carry on. Forget I even saw this” 

He was back through the kitchen door almost as fast as he’d entered. He had to pinch himself to stop the tears as he hastily moved through the other room, tripping over Jaemin’s outstretched legs. He ignored all of their eyes, all of their calls. 

He just needed to get out of there. He needed to breathe again. 

Tugging on the sleeves of his jacket, he frantically bent down to pick up his tarot deck. All he could think about was those hands on Renjun’s waist, the ruffles of his hair upturned, the redness of his lips and the utter confusion written on his face as he looked over at Jisung.

How much he had wanted it to be him in that position.

“Jisung?” Donghyuck called out softly, his hand reaching out to stop him. 

“Let me go” He huffed out, biting down on his lip as he shrugged off his friend’s arm and stormed out of the flat. 

He couldn’t explain what he saw, or how it made him feel. The gnawing deep in his chest at the sight of his best friend and… Who even was Renjun to him? What right did he have to feel this way? Jisung didn’t even know if they were even friends. 

As soon as he was outside, his knees almost gave way. They buckled under his weight and he grazed his hands to break the fall. It was not graceful.

He hunched over his knees, heaving up the copious amount of alcohol he’d drank onto the pavement. His vision blurred and he felt hot tears trickling down his cheeks. 

Perhaps now was the time to admit to himself that he might still like Renjun.   
  


“God, Jisung--” 

Jisung sobbed a little, refusing to look up despite knowing who the voice belonged to. Chenle engulfed his arms around the boy, rubbing gentle circles on his back until he could help him to stand. 

“Why did you follow me?” Jisung heaved a little, palms pressing down on his knees, smearing blood slightly over the jeans as he put himself back together. 

Chenle was the last person he wanted to see, he didn’t have the energy to do this right now.

“Fuck, Jisung. I’m so sorry.. It didn’t mean anything” 

“How can I believe that? His lipstick is literally smeared across your face” Jisung laughed through his nose, bringing the back of his hand up to wipe across his lips.

The taste of alcohol burned in his throat, and suddenly he wished he was in bed. 

“I know you still like him. I hadn’t planned on that- after the tarot, it sorta just happened” Chenle trailed off, he didn’t know what he could say to make it better. 

Jisung’s eyeliner was streaked down his cheeks, he could barely keep his eyes focused on his best friend as the events of the night caught up with him.

“Just save it, Chenle. I... I can’t do this right now” He dropped his hands to his sides, staring straight through the other boy with a grimace as he turned away. 

Chenle knew better than to chase after him.

Soon, Jisung had walked right down the street. He let his feet carry him back to his dorm as he tried to empty his mind of everything else. 

-

To say Jisung was hungover was an understatement. 

No matter how many times he forced himself into lectures after a night out, he never did learn. He’d ignored all of the messages from everyone except Donghyuck. He’d particularly ignored the texts from Renjun asking him to bring his sheet music for a practice today. 

There was no way he would go to practice. Not after what had happened. 

The only problem was that Jisung couldn’t avoid him forever. They were in the orchestra together, and Professor Lee had called them in for a catch up.

”Jisung. What is going on with you? Did you bring Roberta like I said?” Renjun strided over to his chair, he seemed mad. 

Jisung shrugged a little, if he was honest he had no idea which pieces he’d brought in his folder today. 

“Well what was your problem last night? You seriously cockblocked me..” Renjun stopped walking once he was in front of Jisung’s stand. The black nail polish had been picked off his nails, where they now rested angrily on his waist. 

This was when Jisung finally looked up at him. 

“I don’t want to talk about you getting off with my best friend. Let’s just see the Prof” Jisung slung his bag over his shoulder dejectedly as they were called into his office. 

It only took a few minutes but Jisung felt like it was a lifetime. He hadn’t listened to half of it, not until Professor Lee spoke the words duet, and soirée. 

“Sorry, what? Sir.. we can’t perform together” 

“Jisung’s right.. I’ve already been practicing my solo for weeks. There’s no way we can get a piece recital ready in time.” 

“You’ve been practicing together now, I think it’s best you perform. One of the seniors will fill in your solo, Renjun. This might even be better. I want you to duet, that’s all. You can go now”

Jisung left class with his stomach in knots. It was enough to have to tutor Renjun, but now they’d be spending even longer practicing. The soirée was the most important performance of the year, he couldn’t refuse to play, even if playing with Renjun was the last thing he wanted. 

“I don’t care what is going on with you, Park. From now on, you’ll teach me to read outside of the practice room. Get yourself together, we both need a good grade from this” Renjun bit his lip as Jisung seemed to agree.

He couldn’t explain to him why he reacted like that when he saw Renjun with Chenle. But he could try and pretend it never happened, just like he was burying down the reality of his visions. Perhaps this would even be good for him. 

So that’s how he ended up agreeing to meet three more times a week.  
  


Somehow Jisung found himself on Renjun’s bed. 

It was early afternoon, there was a muted orange haze filling the room as the sun streaked lower, almost out of view behind the trees that trailed for miles out the back of the house. The skin of Jisung’s calves were burning where they rubbed against the soft cotton sheets. 

He hated having bare feet, but he couldn’t ask him for any socks so he was baring it. 

Renjun wasn’t paying attention, eyes engrossed in the pages of his latest theory test. Now that they were practicing a bunch of pieces together, trying to feel out the right one for their duet, it had left little time in the practice room hours to go over theory. So Jisung had taken to coming home with him after practice in order to teach Renjun how to read the stave. 

He’d printed a theory test out to see where Renjun’s knowledge was still lacking- it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now Jisung was bored waiting for him to finish… and hungry.

He dragged his backpack up onto the mattress and pulled out a couple of nectarines. They felt smooth, a small weight in his hand, just the right hardness to be eaten. He’d been waiting patiently for them to ripen for a few days now. Surely Renjun wouldn’t mind, he’d seen Renjun eat sprawled amongst his bed sheets before so he didn’t bother to ask before he took a bite. 

The sensation was incredible. God, he’d miss these when he was dead. 

Trying to suppress a satisfied groan, he dug his feet further into the mattress, bringing his legs over one another. It was a messy business - Jisung would have been embarrassed usually but it didn’t seem to phase him as he ate every last morsel save for the stones - they were juicy. 

It was loud enough to stir Renjun from his studies.

“You’re eating peaches in my bed?” Renjun accused, slightly horrified. Jisung could just feel a pair of judging eyes seething into his back. 

“They’re nectarines actually... and they are delicious” Jisung corrected him unabashedly, licking his lips as he tried to commit the taste to memory. It could well be his first and only time eating them this year, and well.. for the rest of his life. 

“Wash your hands when you’re done, I don’t want peach juice on my sheets.. I just washed them you know” Renjun instructed him, but there was no malice in his voice. 

“The universe wouldn’t care if you washed them again”

Renjun looked puzzled, leaving his book propped up by the window pane as he made his way to the bed. A chill ran down his spine as he watched Jisung finish his fruit, unaware or just uncaring of the juices which trickled slowly down his fingers. 

His fingers looked more delicate than usual, long, and perfectly made for the flute. 

He’d thought his chill had come from the draft of the open window, but now he wasn’t so sure. 

“How can you be okay with sticky hands? That’s so gross” Renjun half whined, flumping down next to the boy.

“You’re just using this to get out of studying” 

“I have transposed enough notes from treble clef to alto to write an orchestral piece. Leave me be. Your peaches were distracting” Renjun had closed his eyes, basking in the comfort of his bed as he chose to ignore the other. 

“I was trying to be quiet” 

When Jisung returned from the sink, hands washed, he settled back down beside him. Renjun had finished the test and was waiting expectantly for answers. 

“I can’t believe you only knew how to do this yesterday.. you’re almost better than me” Jisung huffed as he marked his work. He could sense Renjun peering over his shoulder and it was taking everything in him not to shuffle back closer. 

“What can I say... you’re a good teacher, or maybe I am just a good student” Renjun hummed as he looked at his score. A smile making its way onto his face.

”We both know it’s my teaching skill, Huang” 

“If I agree, will you wash my sheets for me?” Renjun quirked as he caught Jisung trying to hide the stains of the peaches he’d eaten earlier.

”Not a chance”

-

A few more weeks had passed, the soiree was edging closer and Jisung had gotten comfortable in his new routine. They were now practicing more than ever, but he found that he was looking forward to it more and more as the time went on. 

He’d almost forgotten about the other night, and his friendship with Chenle was getting back to normal. Jisung was a little glad about that, even if he couldn’t forgive him entirely. 

Renjun had progressed dramatically at reading music, even their professor was more than impressed at how well Renjun could recognise the notes, and even sight-read passages of sheet music. It filled them both with a newfound warmth and appreciation for each other. 

Sometimes even, it didn’t wholly just feel professional when they met up for practice. Jisung liked to think they also met up just to hang out too. He often stayed a lot longer than necessary at Renjun’s dorm, much longer after they’d tired of practice, although neither said anything. 

Donghyuck didn’t say anything either when he saw Jisung leaving five minutes before curfew, on more than one occasion.   
  


“Renjun...” Jisung rolled over onto his chest, using his elbows to lift himself up so that he could look at the boy next to him, who was fully engrossed in their textbook.

“Mhm..” 

“Just out of interest.. how would you spend your last weeks on earth?” Jisung looked at him expectantly

“As far away from you as possible, dude” Renjun replied, barely even raising his eye level, although he was fairly pleased with himself for making that comment. 

“Ouch— is this because I got peach juice on your sheets? Jisung joked, letting his eyes quirk up as he saw the faintest of smiles appear on the other’s cheeks. 

“No, I’d just have better things to do than watch you get off of peaches” Renjun sniggered behind the safety of his theory book as Jisung attempted to haul a pillow in his direction. 

He couldn’t exactly explain to Renjun why he was asking this. Nor did he want to make the atmosphere serious, in case Renjun was scared of dying... They weren’t exactly the closest of friends, Jisung wasn’t even sure if they were close friends yet. 

The only sound for a while was the quiet rustling of paper as Renjun put together ideas for their duet. Jisung had rolled back over after the other’s disinterest in having conversation, so now he was looking up at the ceiling. 

He wondered if Renjun would be lying here when the earth caved in. What would it feel like if the ceiling collapsed on top of them? Would they even feel anything by then? He couldn’t help but wonder if he would be by Renjun’s side when it happened. 

He was snapped out of his daydreams by the sound of a large book closing.

“Alright fine... do you have a bucket list?” Renjun asked, his glasses slowly slipping down the bridge of his nose. 

It rather took Jisung by surprise, no one else had humoured him at all when he’d asked. He hadn’t expected Renjun of all people to take him seriously. 

“Uh no...? I’m not dying Renjun, why would I have something like that?” Jisung scrunched his eyebrows, not bothering to look at the boy sat beside him.

“The world is ending, no? You must have something you’re burning to do before the earth **kegs it”** Renjun grins a little then as Jisung tilts his head to look at him. 

“Well there is something…” He starts, wriggling his toes into the mattress. He hadn’t even admitted this to Jeno. 

_I’d like to kiss someone that I really like. Wait, I’d have to fall in love first._

“I’d probably just want to see the stars... maybe kiss someone again, that’s a bit weird though” Jisung admitted quietly, a little embarrassed.

“You’re serious?” Renjun laughed, “damn, that’s kinda sweet, Ji… Most people only think with their dicks” He rested his back against the edge of the bed, leaning against it so that his eyes could follow the light shadows across the ceiling, making patterns in the alcove. 

“Do you think with your dick too?” Jisung teased softly, although he was a little curious. 

“Unfortunately no, I don’t care so much about those things” Renjun rolled his eyes, moving his elbow out to jab the younger in the side. 

“Well, what do you care about then?” Jisung pressed on, rolling his head to the side just in time to watch as Renjun deliberated, drawing his lip between his teeth.

“I’ve only ever cared about playing the piano… well, that and learning all of the constellations” Renjun clasped his fingers together and unclasped them. 

“You’ve learned them all? You’re kidding, right?” Jisung asks, rather amazed.

He’d been looking at these stars for years before he fell asleep, but he’d never even learned half of them. 

Renjun nodded, his shoulders visibly relaxing. “Here look, close the curtains and I’ll show you” 

Jisung rose to his feet slowly, padding over the wooden flooring in his socks to tug at the curtains. It wasn’t even dark yet, but the curtains did well to block out most of the sunlight.   
  


“I have a star projector... it’s basically like my own little universe right up close,” Renjun explained as he set down this little device beside the bed.   
  


“Woah...” Jisung’s head hit the pillows and he stared up with wonder, as he was suddenly looking up at a night sky. It seemed so real, he couldn’t take his eyes off it. Renjun watched from where he was kneeling at the way Jisung’s mouth hung open in awe, and how he pointed at different stars, his eyes widening in excitement when he found what he was looking for.   
  
It was more than sweet. It reminded Renjun of how he’d felt when he first turned the projector on. 

Jisung had already found Orion’s Belt. There had to be more stars projected on the ceiling than he’d seen in his entire life growing up near the city. “Can you show me where your favourites are?” He asked, his head peering down at Renjun, tufts of hair sticking up where it had been ruffled under his hoodie. 

Renjun clambered onto the bed, settling down next to him. “Alright.. I’ll show you” 

He couldn’t quite figure out why he’d done this for Jisung, but the way his eyes smiled and how he hung onto his every last word made it worth it. 

Jisung was lying in Renjun’s bed still. It was now dark outside, inside too for that matter as Renjun had turned the projector off to save it’s battery. The silence was comfortable, and neither of them really wanted to move. He should have felt nervous, but no butterflies were in his stomach. For some reason he kept gravitating back here, back to Renjun’s company, to Renjun’s home...

And if anything, Renjun loved it more than he let on.   
  
But Jisung knew that Renjun had enjoyed it too, at least a little bit. He’d talked Jisung’s ear off about the universe for at least half an hour, and Jisung knew that not even Donghyuck would have let him do that before. 

Their fingers were so close, touching almost as if in one move Jisung’s hand could be in his. It feels natural when he slips his fingers, pressing them gently into Renjun’s palm before getting the confidence to clasp them together. Images moved on the screen of Renjun’s laptop in the distance, but he wasn’t paying much attention to it.

His skin felt as though it was ablaze, every single nerve ending electrified just by this simple touch. 

Renjun’s wrist was bare, pale and so soft against his own. The signet ring on his fifth finger shone golden in the faint light, and burned in the same way against Jisung’s touch. 

In a way, Jisung was thankful for the dimmer light now. 

“Why did you hold my hand?” Renjun whispered after a beat, not making any move to unlace their fingers as his eyes flickered across to where Jisung lay beside him. 

Jisung swallowed thickly, he wasn’t really sure why he had. 

“I just… I think I just wanted to” 

Renjun hummed, hesitantly tracing his thumb over the back of Jisung’s hand. No more words were said as he climbed out of bed to tug the curtains open, letting the yellow haze from the streetlamps cover the walls. Renjun’s eyes were back looking elsewhere as quick as they had left. 

It seemed now, perhaps, they had a lot more in common than Jisung had once thought.

—

Jisung quite liked knowing some things before they happened. He wasn’t sure why he knew, he just did. It was cool, it gave him a sense that he was part of the universe. That he was a part of something wonderful, yet terrifyingly powerful. 

It wasn’t like he knew exactly _when_ the events he saw would happen, nor most of the people they happened to. But as time had gone on, his visions became more exhausting, and more easy to place in a timeline. He was now starting college, and he didn’t want this responsibility hanging over him anymore.

It was exhausting. So he tried his best not to think about it. He wouldn’t _will_ himself to get a vision if he couldn’t help it. Weeks had gone by since his last one, Jisung had changed his style, filled out a little more into his leather jacket. He was improving in his playing, and he no longer quivered before he had to perform in class. 

He was finally hoping that the eye bags which had lied permanently under his eyes would start to disappear. Everything felt like it was getting better.

And perhaps, Jisung had begun to hope the world wouldn’t end so soon after all. 

“I think there’s something you should know”

Renjun lifted his eyes from the pages of a book as Jisung perched on the edge of his desk, fingers close to shaking. The pair had been working in silence for an hour or so after Jisung had taught him how to recognise a few more chords. But now he was energised with nerves. 

It wasn’t difficult to pick up the steady thrum pounding through Jisung’s veins. Did he know? Surely he couldn’t. 

“If this is about the other night…” Renjun asked earnestly, the slightest unease present in his voice, otherwise steady, as he closed the journal. He may have appeared as calm as ever, but inside his heart was sinking. 

Jisung shook his head, face contorting embarrassedly as he wiped the palm of his hand down his leg. 

“It’s not— I mean, I think we should perform the piece that we wrote together, for the soiree.”

“What?” Renjun choked out, blinking across at Jisung in disbelief. 

“Come on, live a little… you know it’s an amazing duet. We don’t have much time left”

“You have no idea how long we have, Ji… honestly” Renjun rolls his eyes, holding back his laughter because, god, he might just die if he performed their own composition in front of everyone. 

“The world could end tomorrow and what would you have accomplished? You spend your life transcribing songs in the back of the library and drinking so much caffeine it might as well be heroin. This would be life changing”. Jisung pressed on, his fingernails digging into the wood. 

Renjun bit his lip, shoulders slumping as he struggled to find the words. He couldn’t argue with that. But it also made him nervous, and he never got nervous about performing. 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve accomplished more than you, Park Jisung” He sniggered, lips curving into a smile as Jisung’s energy radiated out to him. He was starting to imagine what it might be like if they did play their own composition in the soiree. 

“You know that our piece flows the best, Jun” 

Renjun curled his fingers together, finding it all the more harder to say no as he saw the glimmer in Jisung’s eyes. 

“It’s a huge gamble… what if Professor Lee doesn’t like it?” 

“Then, fuck him!” Jisung laughed, pulling Renjun up from his chair so that they could share their excitement together. It just _made sense._ They hadn’t been able to play anything together as well as this, so why couldn’t they just do it?

The world might not even be around long enough for their next academic year. It might not even matter if they get disqualified, or lose their places in the orchestra ranking. 

Jisung felt good about this, far better than he’d felt about anything since his vision. 

They spent the rest of the evening scribbling notes across manuscript paper and trying to come up with better trills. It was way past curfew by the time they’d finished. Jisung didn’t know how he’d make his way back across campus, but those worries ceased when Renjun offered him a set of pyjamas to stay the night.

Perhaps they were close friends now. Perhaps there was something a little deeper than that between them, beneath the ledger lines.

When Jisung looks across at Renjun, he could have sworn he’d never seen anyone look so peaceful. It made him ache all over, watching the way Renjun’s cheek was squished up against the white pillows, how his skin contrasted to the sheets which consumed his body. 

He shouldn’t have been looking, but he couldn’t help it. 

Without meaning to, the slight caress of Jisungs fingers through the locks of hair behind his ear made the other boy stir awake. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, fluttering closed as he succumbed back into the depths of sleep, and the relaxation of Jisung’s gentle touch. 

When he opened them once more, Jisung was already looking back. The sunlight was creating shadows on the wall, illuminating the space between the bedpost and the window. 

He’d never felt such serenity, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever feel such again. 

“How many Renjun and Jisung’s do you think are lying like this in bed, right now?” 

“Infinitely many” 

And god, did Jisung wish that were the case. 

For a moment it was just them, and the slight rustle of the curtains as they moved in the breeze. Jisung didn’t know what to say to that, but perhaps no words were needed. It felt strangely comfortable to lie there together in silence, with just their breathing to contend to. It also felt strangely intimate, although Jisung tried his best to quash these feelings before they surfaced. 

Renjun lifted himself up onto his elbow then, shaking his hair out of his eyes as he looked at Jisung properly. Sleep blinked away entirely now. 

“I’ve often wondered about the day we all die...” He admits quietly, his eyes drifting across the other boy’s frame, shyly tucked beneath the linen sheets. “I know I didn’t say anything before, but I’m quite into conspiracies” 

Jisung’s eyes opened a little wider then, not expecting such a revelation.

“Do you think we’ll survive in another dimension?” Jisung asked, his eyes blinking once, focusing in on the wispy hairs sticking out behind Renjun’s ears. 

“Maybe. I think I care more about what happens to us in this one, though” He said, watching the way Jisung’s face softened at that, his eyes rounding a little. It was cute.

“Renjun, what will happen to us after the soiree?”

“What do you mean?” He pushed gently, his eyebrows furrowing a little in confusion. Jisung seemed to be swallowed in a new kind of sadness that was hard to place. 

“I mean-- once Professor Lee sees we don’t need to practice together anymore. Will you stop talking to me?” 

Renjun blinks slowly as Jisung’s words sink into his mind. He hadn’t expected him to think this way. “I wouldn’t stop talking to you, Jisung.. It’s not just about the soiree anymore, right?”

“Right. That’s- good to know” 

Jisung changed the topic after that, too scared to tell Renjun what would really happen after the summer soiree. He couldn’t bear to think about them not having a future, not when he was so close to bridging that fine line between friends and more. 

-

Jisung stared in front of them at the huge Victorian clocks. If he hadn’t become numbed to the passing of time, the steady sound of the clock hands moving around might have unsettled him. 

“I used to think a few minutes could pass so quickly. but actually, it can take forever” He sighed, fingers tracing over the keys of his flute as they sat waiting. His suit trousers were starting to crease, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind.

It seemed Renjun felt the same as he hoisted himself up onto the cabinet beside him. 

“We’re just killing time... The last moments of peace before the storm” Renjun mused, brushing their shoulders with a little jest. Jisung knew Renjun was trying to settle his nerves, but the soirée was the least of his worries at this point.

“You know I’ve loved practicing with you, even when you worked me to the bone. I wish we had more time” He sighed a little, letting his arms drop to the sides, resting between their thighs as he mulled over every moment they’d spent together over the season.

“You worked me just as hard, Park” Renjun barked, pinching his thigh in retaliation, making Jisung flinch a little.

“I won’t just miss our practice sessions, though.. I like your company” Jisung started, knees knocking together as the atmosphere thickened around them. Renjun just seemed to know what he was trying to say, without him having to say it.

“Life would be boring if you had no regrets, Jisung” As he put one hand over the top of his, he rubbed his thumb delicately over the signet ring once more. 

“Would you have gone further with Chenle that night if I hadn’t walked in..?” Jisung asked tentatively, his back slumped against the wall. They were sat side by side on the desk, waiting for their call to take the stage. He just had to know.

“I don’t think you’d like my answer to that”

“Probably not. I almost fell head down into my own sick that night, my karma for interfering with your love life perhaps”

“Wow— that is certainly not an image I wanted in my head” Renjun chuckled, squeezing the top of the other’s hand in earnest. Jisung knocked into his side, pretending to be irked. It felt easier to laugh about it now.

“Like Aragon said, ‘by the time we learn to live, it is already too late’. I kissed Donghyuck that night and liked it, so I can’t be mad at you,” He braced the side of the desk, not even daring to catch a glimpse at the other boy as he continued on, “even if I’d wanted it to be you”

“Jisung-“

“The world is ending, Renjun. I was never joking around, I saw it” He admitted, almost breathlessly as he watched the shadows dance across the wall opposite them.

“Oh. That’s why you asked me those questions that day, in my room”

Jisung nodded, more to himself than to Renjun.

“But why me? Why would you give up all of this time to teach me how to read a stave, if you knew..”

“No one else took me seriously, but you made me feel like you did. It was never a waste of time, I was just late figuring out what I wanted” He tensed his shoulders a little, heels hitting the cabinet.

“I’m not sure you know what you want, Jisung” Renjun hesitated, thumb stilling over the other’s briefly.

“If the world was the same, or if you hadn’t accepted to mentor me, would we have even reached this point?” Renjun asked with a sigh. 

“I don’t know...”

He opened his mouth to say more but nothing comes out. He wasn’t sure if they’d have even spoken if it wasn’t for the sake of their grades.

All these weeks he’d been skirting around his feelings for Renjun as if they would be the catalyst that triggered the end of the world. He’d been so sure of his feelings, that it ached in his chest at times. That he’d been driven into jealousy because of it. But what if he was just confused? 

He didn’t want to be alone when the earth began to fall. Jisung had thought it himself, even if he never said it aloud. He wanted someone to hold him dearly, embrace him whilst they prepared for the perfect storm. 

It could have been with anyone.  


But if the world was about to combust, Renjun was the only person Jisung thought he’d want to give his final breaths to. 

Maybe this was the only reason why he felt so intensely during that moment the other morning when he’d held Renjun as though he was scared he might fall apart.

It had felt way too intimate to be comforting a friend and yet, that is all it had been.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how to deal with any of this. You were the constant I could rely on. I thought we had a moment” Jisung’s voice broke, as the reality of what he said sunk in.

How did they reach this point?

  
“If the world was different, and if we had a different fate, maybe we could have been something” 

Renjun draws his eyes away, fingers slipping out of their hold as he walks away from their table. He knew they were moments from being called up to perform. But Jisung was transfixed in his place, the gravity of Renjun’s words only just sinking in as he watched him walk out of the room.

Jisung blinked back tears. Their time was almost up and he’d never get to know what they might have been, even if he could have figured it out sooner.

He released his grip on the desk as the bell signalled it was time for their performance. He could only hope his tears wouldn’t shed as he grasped his flute in his hands and made his way up the stairs to the stage.

Renjun didn’t even give him a second look as he walked out. He didn’t even check to see if Jisung’s performance anxiety was under control.

Jisung tried to focus on every word that Renjun had told him. The stage lights were bright, but not blinding. He could still see Jaemin and Mark in the audience, and a sea of nameless faces. This might be his final performance, he couldn’t get it wrong.

_When performing for someone you need to look confident._

He straightened his back out, scrunching his toes into the ends of his shoes as he took his cue to begin.

He had to get this right, for Renjun if nobody else.

-

The piece ended with an extended vibrato note, softening down until their two sounds evened out into a steady stop. Jisung could barely hold onto his breath long enough to complete it, but he did.

3, 2, 1.

He lowered his flute down slowly, not allowing himself the luxury of looking out to the audience. He could finally catch his breath, the blood rushing through his ears was enough to make him feel alive. He was still alive, and it felt amazing.

He’d never felt this way about performing before.

The claps were defeaningly loud in the auditorium, enough to bring him out of his trance. As he squinted, he could just about make out his friends cheers, embarrassingly loud for the pair of them. 

He couldn’t believe it.

Even Professor Lee appeared to be taken aback by their performance. Perhaps he had been the orchestrater for the finest match made in heaven. 

Their composition had provoked such a standing ovation, it made Jisung feel fuzzy all over. It wasn’t just any rendition of a Handel sonata, but a piece they’d yearned for hours over. A piece, he’d put more of himself into than any other.

He looked towards Renjun from across the stage, and it was pure love that he felt. Strong and raw, bursting from his pores, making him speechless. He’d never performed for him that way in practice before. 

Renjun was stood now, fingers ghosting over the piano keys as he closed the lid shut. There was a look in his eyes that appeared overcome with joy as he took a bow. He was practically glowing. 

Jisung could almost laugh, as he realised he hadn’t even taken his bow. He must have looked like a rabbit in the headlights up there, mesmerised by the applause. The love he felt was unexplainable, taking him wholly by surprise. 

As he watched the way Renjun smoothed down his suit jacket, lungs bursting with laughter as he tries to catch his breath, repeatedly bowing for the audience; Jisung felt warm all over. 

This made everything seem worth it.

Jisung wanted to be stood right beside him, but his feet were stuck to their spot. He wanted to slip an arm around his waist, run his nose over the other’s cheek with a smile and congratulate him for the win. 

Instead, Renjun caught his eyes from behind the piano, and all Jisung could do was smile. When Renjun turned his head slightly to the side, as if to offer him a spot by his side, Jisung met his eyes warmly, shaking his head with a gesture to the audience.

This was Renjun’s moment to bask in the spotlight, not his. 

“You love him, don’t you” Chenle says from his position backstage. Jisung almost dropped his flute in surprise. He couldn’t answer, not whilst the whole audience could see his every move. 

It‘s not the first time Renjun had smiled at him that way, but it felt different. The remnants of their conversation before the soirée began rattled uncomfortably in the back of his mind.

_ He could never be Renjun’s. _

Renjun said it himself, he didn’t care much for settling down. No matter how many moments they’d shared, Jisung could never be _that_ for him.

“It’s okay Ji, you know,” Chenle continued, this made Jisung tear his eyes away from the front of the stage. His lips tugged upwards as he faced his friend, stood behind the curtain, a questioning expression on his face as he silently urged him to continue.

“It’s okay to like someone, Sungie”, Chenle said, a comforting tone laced in his voice. Jisung didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t just _like_ Renjun. He was certain this might be love he was feeling.

He strode across the stage with purpose, arms wide open. Renjun seemed to read his mind, meeting him halfway in a collision that almost knocked him sideways. The orange fragrance of his shampoo invaded Jisung’s senses as his body slacked into the other’s arms.

He couldn’t mask the way his heart was beating in such quick succession as his chest was pressed up close to Renjun’s. His hands fisted around the back of his suit jacket, and in his embrace it felt like they were the only two people in the room.

“We did it, Jisung,” Renjun whispered into his ear, his breath was warm on Jisung’s neck and he could almost feel the celebration on his lips. He hummed in agreement, not making any move to prise his face out of Renjun’s neck.

“Ji.. come on, look at what we’ve achieved,” Renjun started, fingers tapping lightly on the small of his back with a giggle, “Let me go, they want to give us some flowers” 

He laughed warmly as Jisung eventually let go, and walked over to accept their flowers. Jisung couldn’t take his eyes off the colourful petals, brimming out of Renjun’s arms as he struggled to see over the top.

His heart yearned terribly, as he knew this might not have changed anything between them, no matter how good things felt between them right now.

As they exited stage right, Jisung could only hope that Renjun felt the same way, as he caught him turning back to sneak another glance at him.

Perhaps he’d come to the party later after all. 

\- 

He’d managed to stay backstage in the wings to watch Chenle’s flute solo, and Donghyuck’s dance team perform on the stage. Now it was much later and the group, along with many other people in their year, had packed their way into Heaven to celebrate. He’d already taken some drinks off Jeno, and god only knew what might have been in them. 

Their academic year was practically finished now that the soirée was over. Jisung knew that he had passed the year with flying colours, all thanks to Renjun and their team. He had decided he would enjoy himself whilst he could, the last hurrah. Even if he knew all of this might not even exist after the next 24 hours. 

How could he tell anyone? What if his vision was wrong? He didn’t want to take that risk. 

No, he’d just let himself indulge in one final celebration before everything turned to chaos. He just needed to find one person in the crowds to make it all count. Maybe it was better if everyone stayed in blissful ignorance.

Jisung was leaning against the wall when Renjun came over. His hair wasn’t as neat as it had been when they first arrived, and his cheeks were flushed from dancing for too long in the middle of the dancefloor. 

“Are you not going to join in? Renjun asked, fingers tugging up his jeans by their belt loops as he tilted his head with an expression Jisung couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

He looked almost defeated. 

“I think I had too much to drink. There’s a good draft from the window so I’ve been trying to sober up” Jisung scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Renjun hummed quietly, his eyes drifting down to the near-full beer bottle in the others hand. Jisung had barely had anything to drink so far, he was very much sober compared to most of them in the room. 

“I’ve queued a song to play, thought it might lure you to dance with me” 

“You want to dance with me?” Jisung asks almost breathless, his eyes wide as he sees Renjun beckon to him. And well, he couldn’t say no to that.

The pit in his stomach was burning now as he caught his breath, watching the rise and fall of Renjun’s chest, and the slightest glint of sweat on his skin where his shirt had ridden up as he did the same. 

Suddenly his mouth felt dry. 

“Just so you know, I meant what I said before” 

“I know… But we’re still something now, aren’t we?” Jisung’s breath was hot, voice close to breaking as he spoke for only Renjun to hear. 

“I guess we are something, Ji...” He whispered, eyes rising slowly to meet the other boy’s, whose body heat was now surrounding him. At this moment, Renjun no longer cared about anything else that had been said between them, he still felt a pull towards Jisung. 

“So, are you gonna kiss me now before the world fucking ends, or not?” 

Renjun curled his fingers around Jisung’s shirt collar, laughing at the bewilderment on Jisung’s face as he had to pull him down just to press their lips together. 

It took a moment for Jisung to realise what was happening.

Renjun tasted like coconut as he melted against his touch, letting him slowly work his mouth open. The ground beneath Jisung’s feet faded away as he gave everything he had. Nothing could have prepared him for what it would feel like to kiss Renjun, and for all he knew, it might be the first and last chance he’d get to feel Renjun this close.

Renjun’s fingers tightened around his collar, sighing into the warmth of his mouth. It was like breathing the freshest air after being trapped underwater for so long. There was a subtle desperation in every touch that sent electricity running through his veins. 

They kissed like the world was going to end, and in Jisung’s mind it was. But he kept those thoughts at bay as he focused on the way Renjun’s lips melted against his, and how this moment might as well last their entire lifetime. 

Jisung had lost track of how long they’d been kissing before they came back to reality. 

Somewhere in the background he could hear a whistle from Jeno, and various sounds of laughter and muffled jokes. His cheeks burned with crimson fire as he realised they weren’t the only two people left in the world, or in this room. 

“Stop thinking. Just..” 

Renjun’s caress of his cheek brought him back to the boy in front of him. His hand felt so soft that Jisung thought he might cry. Renjun could see straight through him, he just knew. 

“... hold me like this, as though we’ve been lovers for years. Don’t think about anything else” Renjun whispered as he slipped his arms around the others neck, a fire still present in his eyes underneath the haze of Mark’s rum punch. 

Jisung could only nod, letting Renjun settle into his embrace, almost close enough that they could be dancing without a space between them. 

This was nothing like what Jisung had seen. Maybe they were both playing fate, but Jisung couldn’t care less. What he felt in this moment, and perhaps every moment since he’d met Renjun, felt right. He was no longer scared of what might come in the morning. 

“What made you believe me?” He whispered, his thumbs planted firmly on Renjun’s waist, almost burning from the intensity of their body heat. 

“Even if you had just made this whole thing up to get in my pants, I think I’d believe anything you said, ‘sungie.. You just _know._ There's something out of this world about you _”_ He said, brushing his fingers gently along the crevasse of Jisung’s neck.

“Well you're not wrong about that” Jisung laughed, burying his head into the other’s shoulder as they swung each other around. 

Renjun didn’t know if Jisung had been telling the truth when he said this would be their last night on earth, but he felt grateful that it had allowed them to finally start saying the things that had been brewing for months under the surface. 

If one thing was for certain, he could no longer keep his feelings under wraps or he might himself explode. 

“I’m in love with you. I know that the world is going to end tomorrow, but Renjun. I am so goddamn in love with you, it’ll be the death of me before the universe caves in”

“I know” 

Renjun didn’t have to say it back for Jisung to know he felt the same. He said it in the way he kissed him as though it would be his last time. He said it in the way he shuffled his feet closer, just enough to rest his head towards his shoulder, and embrace him as if he wanted their bodies to fuse together when the heat blazed around them. 

That was enough for Jisung to accept any kind of fate he had coming his way. 


End file.
